The Lost Cause of Civility?

A Call for Fact-Checking in a World of “Do as I Say, Not as I Do”

“Civility, as we see it, isn’t simply about playing nice. It’s about giving people the resources to have rational and productive discussions about hard subjects. It’s also about finding ways to work more productively with all of our brothers and sisters for the greater good of society. In these dark and turbulent times of discord, The Civility Mosaic urges us not to abdicate our human duty. It’s our hope that it encourages every reader to be the proverbial stone dropped into the placid waters of complacency, allowing our actions to be ripples of change, spreading to far shores.” - Russ Charvonia in The Civility Mosaic

In the theater of modern politics, we’ve seen a shift from spirited debate to something more akin to gladiatorial combat. Civility—a once-cherished value—seems to have taken a back seat, replaced by soundbites, hashtags, and a combustible mix of outrage and entertainment.

As my family was enjoying recharging times in the Alps, we started seeing some concerning news from the US coming to our devices a couple of days before our return to this side of the pound. The recent New Year attacks in the US were a grim reminder of how dangerous this charged atmosphere can be, particularly when facts take a back seat to opinions, and the line between reality and entertainment becomes dangerously blurred.

As we were discussing our views and understanding with family members in Europe, it was difficult to explain when and what that shift was in the US. While the word “woke” has become a negative loaded label on one side and a badge of honor on the other side, being able to engage in a positive discourse and debate with each other is nothing woke. It is just the foundation of a civil society based on mutual respect and …drumrolls…civility. However, one thing is sure, it’s time we had an honest conversation about the state of discourse, the role of accountability, and the vital importance of civility. It’s also time we stopped pretending that yelling louder equates to being right.

Civility: The Lost Currency of Respect

Civility is often misunderstood as mere politeness, but it is much more than saying “please” and “thank you.” Civility is the glue that holds society together, allowing people to coexist despite differences in opinion, belief, or ideology. It’s the recognition that the person across the aisle—or the internet—isn’t just a caricature of their political stance but a fellow human being with experiences and values that shaped their worldview.

Unfortunately, in today’s discourse, civility is treated like a quaint relic, like rotary phones or handwritten letters. Social media platforms thrive on conflict, rewarding the loudest, angriest voices with likes, shares, and retweets. Politicians take their cues from this circus, knowing that outrageous claims and emotional appeals grab more attention than measured, well-reasoned arguments.

Civility requires effort. It demands that we listen, question, and empathize. This is one of the main takes from Russ Charvonia’s book. It is not easy. It takes work. It requires a strong will. It mandates a capacity to accept others’ views. It means being able to change. And perhaps most difficult of all, it asks us to hold ourselves accountable—to avoid the “Do as I say, not as I do” hypocrisy that permeates today’s political landscape.

The Danger of the “Entertaining” Political Figure

One of the most troubling developments in recent years is the rise of the “entertaining” political figure. These individuals often blur the line between performance and governance, treating politics like reality TV. Their bombastic style, shocking statements, and devil-may-care attitude make for great headlines, but they often lack substance and accountability.

The problem? Many people mistake entertainment for reality. When a politician spouts falsehoods or half-truths but delivers them with charisma and confidence, they can seem more believable than the facts themselves.

This isn’t a new phenomenon—political theater has always existed—but the stakes are higher now. With 24/7 media cycles and algorithm-driven content, misinformation spreads faster than ever. And when a leader’s actions fail to align with their words, the damage to public trust is immense.

The result? A society where people feel emboldened to act on misinformation, leading to real-world consequences. The recent attacks in the U.S. demonstrate how words—whether intended as hyperbole or not—can incite violence.

Fact-Checking: The Antidote to Opinion Overload

In an age of information overload, we’re drowning in opinions masquerading as facts. Many media organizations now mix formal journalistic rigor with opinions led shows with sometimes very little transitions between both. Distinguishing between the two is a skill that’s becoming increasingly vital—and increasingly rare.

Fact-checking is not just a tool for journalists; it’s a responsibility for every citizen. When we share an article or a meme without verifying its claims, we contribute to the spread of misinformation. When we form opinions based on hearsay or gut feelings instead of evidence, we undermine the foundations of rational discourse.

Here are three simple rules to help navigate the minefield of modern media:

1. Verify Sources: Before sharing or believing something, check the credibility of the source. Is it a reputable news outlet or a website with a suspiciously clickbait-y name?

2. Separate Emotion from Evidence: Just because something makes you feel outraged or vindicated doesn’t mean it’s true. Emotions are powerful but unreliable indicators of fact.

3. Question Your Biases: We all have biases that shape how we interpret information. Be aware of them and seek out perspectives that challenge your assumptions.

“Do as I Say, Not as I Do”

Hypocrisy is the silent killer of trust. When leaders preach one thing and practice another, they erode their credibility and the public’s faith in institutions. This “Do as I say, not as I do” mentality is rampant in today’s politics.

A leader who decries corruption while engaging in questionable practices, or one who demands unity while sowing division, sends a dangerous message: rules are for others, not for me. This hypocrisy trickles down, fostering cynicism and apathy among citizens.

Accountability is the antidote. Holding leaders—and ourselves—to consistent standards is not just an ethical imperative but a practical necessity for restoring trust in public discourse.

The Perils of Loaded Conversations

The recent attacks in the U.S. highlight how loaded our conversations have become. When rhetoric is inflammatory, and facts are optional, discussions can escalate from debate to danger.

We need to recognize that words have power. They can inspire or incite, heal or harm. In an environment where emotions run high, we must tread carefully.

But treading carefully doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations. On the contrary, we need more dialogue, not less. The key is to approach these discussions with curiosity and humility rather than defensiveness and hostility.

A Path Back to Civil Discourse

Returning to civil discourse won’t be easy, but it’s essential. Here’s how we can start:

1. Model Civility: Be the change you wish to see in the world. Practice respectful dialogue, even when you disagree.

2. Demand Better from Leaders: Hold politicians and public figures accountable for their words and actions. Call out hypocrisy and insist on integrity.

3. Educate for Critical Thinking: Equip the next generation with the tools to navigate misinformation and engage in constructive debate.

4. Value Empathy Over Echo Chambers: Seek out diverse perspectives and try to understand the experiences that shape others’ views.

Civility isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a cornerstone of a functioning democracy. Without it, we risk descending into a society where anger drowns out reason, and misinformation leads to real-world harm.

The current political landscape may be charged, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. By prioritizing facts over opinions, holding ourselves and our leaders accountable, and fostering a culture of respect, we can reclaim the lost art of civility.

It’s time to stop confusing entertainment with reality and start treating each other—not as adversaries in a debate—but as fellow travelers in the messy, complicated journey of democracy.

And maybe, just maybe, we’ll find that we can disagree without being disagreeable. Wouldn’t that be a refreshing change?